simplicity

2006-08-15T06:46:00.000-07:00

okx i did pay attention to the classes today..but seriously there's nth much to note! i mean everything is intro blablabla..and here are the lecturers plus what you'll be expecting and therefore blablabla..hah! luckily the few lecturers i haf are quite interesting and humourous and psychology isnt as dry as i expected...though the content indeed sounds tedious, i hope it's managable for me. 2nd day of sch was a RAINY AND POURING day..super sad cos almost all the "short-cuts" seems to be without shelter! hah..and NUS oso stands for National University of Slopes...before i even start my lesson i'm sweating. hah! getting sleepy and stuff but luckily everything still seems interesting to me...which is why i still can stay awake for ALMOST all the lectures (except hist only can) hah..and hist i only slept for 15 mins lehx..hah!

i feel so slack..better buck up soon. there's no sch tml so i can slp longer. hah! i guess when tut starts it'll be more evident that i shld start studying. hah! i love the library. =D

2006-08-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

first day of sch was alrite..quite exciting but terribly warm and sweaty from the moment i stepped outta my hse..hah! was supposed to meet a new fren found bt dunno why ended up met pris instead.hah! luckily i met her if nt i wld be at a loss..since i'll be like "no topic" with my new fren. hah! luckily the lecture was QUITE interesting unlike econs one which i heard was boring..hah! had a lollipop in my mouth for the lect to kp myself awake and turned around looking at ppl to entertain myself..hah! pris was quite pissed with me doing tt..bt i'm REALLY BORED.hah! since you know ur notes and everything can be found online..it's like no point listening..hah!

and so the artistic me starting drawing and doodling on my foolscap paper which were meant to be notes..hah! actually there's nt much to mention for the fisrt dae of sch..i'm not really excited like every other ppl..but yeah i wore sth NEW under pressure from my mom cos she lamented tt i'm wearing the same ting forever and ever again..she saes even if ppl dun recognises me..they'll know who am i from MY CLOTHES. tt's very bad. hah! i'm seriously not excited..i wonder y. but nevermind. i shall be high. i know y.cos my tuition deals are so messed up i cant even think straight! argh

and anywae i saw sumone with my acer lappy and it's WHITE!! goodness and why tt idiot stoopid promoter din tell me there's white!! why why why?? i am so so angry and that white lappy suits me more than any other ppl can! and worse still..HE'S A NERD!!! he's more suitable to take my plain lappy can!! i dun care..i'm goin to buy anyting to decorate up my lappy!! haha..

seriously i still feel as if i haf no life even though sch has started...i jus felt like slping the whole day..sleep and play away..i'm peeling!

issac learnt how to twirl around..so cute! but so girly..(under my influence tt is)

2006-08-08T22:22:00.000-07:00

yup i felt bitchy right now..cos sumone just confronted me for what i'm thinking was absurd and totally wrong. yeah..i dunno y but just to add that i am indeed very bitchy, i cant help but have this feeling that EVERYONE WOULD DEFINITELY say that they themself are RIGHT! damn. i know it's bad of me but that thought just kept racing across my head. i mean who would be so dumb as to say, "yeah i'm so soso wrong. so sorry. i'm feeling so bad and guilty for my actions." but i wonder why she only got to know it now especially when i have totally no whatsoever stuff related to her anymore. ya i did express my feelings to someone but like what i said that was my feelings wad. singapore is a free and open society where feelings can be expressed freely oki. ahyah damn i feel so wrong again. cos yeah i'm like trying to clear my name. hah!

i haf a sin to confess i admit..it might be wrong of me to talk bad about her bt seriously i do not regret tt..perhaps maybe it's cos i'm not the only one on my side..hah! and action speaks louder than words. it's quite astonishing for her to confront me upfront and try to prove me wrong but get this straight..that's only what you're trying to say..to prove me wrong, gotta use sum actions..plus i dun tink i'll even get to see her again so i dun tink her image in my mind will be changed. hah! maybe i was so agitated cos i was being labelled as childish...what has this gotta do with childish anywae?

this is not the first time i am being labelled as that and even so, my previous encounter with this word is much more worth it than this time round. she certainly do not have as much right as the previous one to call me that. whatever dun care. i admit i'm as bitchy sometimes but again.find me a girl who doesnt bitch or doesnt even thought of bitching. hah!

peiii...I MISS YOU!! hahaha..i cant wait to see your room and help you design it!!! hahaha..you gt hold any room-warming or not arh? hehe.wan me help you hold? hah. and my canoeing CCA abit busted cos i still hear no news from them. hah! damn sad.

2006-08-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

orientation was held for the second day..and the lazy me together with almost all the girls left halfway through..actually if we were to insist on staying on..i guess the rest would haf stayed on as well..hah! cos it was fun to some extent just tt we're too lazy to be bothered to run around the singapore in this case...eye candies were spotted..bt the number of them are still disappointedly peanuts! hah! there were instead more pretty babes out there...hah! luckily i get to see quite a number of familiar faces around when i went for the camp..but maybe when sch really starts..those familiar faces would be scattered out there in the huge campus..hah! NUS was named "National University of STAIRCASE"...damn the number of stairs found was so freaking much! is much - uncountable one ok! hah..NOT many as in countable..hah!

managed to get my dearest psychology course. hah! so exciting lalalalalala...i realised the high ppl here are CRAZY..but superbly intelligent in a way cos they can come up with an original and interesting cheer in just 10 mins or so. hah! and they are indeed unique.trust me. hah! luckily i signed up for only this camp cos i heard the previous camps include those games which includes stoopid and awkward moves between guys and girls..hah! i'm more shy lah you see..wahaha!

anyway was quite irritated by myself for being so idiotly stoopid in a way which even i myself shakes my head. sigh. from the start i haf no intention to buy ACER!!! and why the hell did i buy acer in the end only to feel regretful!! damn! i AM SO ANGRY.. haix. nvm.i shall grow to like my acer. cos i'm gonna be stuck with it for like 4 yrs and i still hafta depend on it cos it's gonna be my BUDDY! haha...maybe if i name it i would feel closer to it. right i shall name it. anyway i guess xuezhen made a right choice not choosing acer..ok i din say acer's not gd..just tt this model is quite inconvenient in a way or two..i shall start psycho-ing myself..i love my acer lappy i love my acer lappy i love my acer lappy...I LOVE IT! muackx!

2006-08-01T10:27:00.000-07:00

ever since uncle NG..nth much happened to me which triggered the highness in me..so yeanling..i AM NOT HIGH ABOUT ANYTHING ok..hah! only SPECIFIC stuffs..dun worry. you're one of those which made me high..but you recently REJECTED MY DATE..made me so lonely for a loooonnnggg day..argh. hah! you'll haf your retribution!! hah..anywae peiiii..i joined canoeing lehx. hah! wanted some water sports cca and was thinking canoeing seems like the safest and the least tiring sport out of everything..though i guess wakeboarding would be nice..but i guess it'll scare the hell outta my dad..cos when i mentioned diving his first reaction was, "huh? i tot we discussed this?? die on land! not water!" hah..i hope it'll be fun.i guess it would be one lah..at most quit lo..hah! anywae i sent you a mail and u dun seem to have received it..GO READ YOUR DISGUSTING MAILBOX! hah..

matriculation was done..card was taken..tgt with my sickening pale and sickly white face..hah! everytime i look at it i wan to scream..hah! i am still very disappointed with the number of cute guys in FASS...VERY limited edition..maybe they're hiding somewhere..hah! or my eyes kok kok alr!!?? goodness..haix. everything is still very messed up..been spending alot on transport i realised..think if i save up all my taxi fares, i can use those money to buy my lappy!! hah..ohya. did i mention my bro was against me buying the damn lappy? just becos i got into FASS, he thinks that there's no need for me to buy a lappy. haix.plus i dun dare to kp mention sae i NEED ONE DEFINITELY..cos he still has no news for SIM...his application i guess still in australia..ahyah! dunno him lah.right nw i'm waiting for the emperor to turn around and help me decide on the lappy design..call me useless i admit..bt stuff related to comp i'm definitely an asshole idiot. i dunno why but it just seem like greek to me. i haf this thing against it maybe cos i was cursed not to use a comp successfully for sth impt? haix.

yup i did decide against buying a lappy cos my hse is more den IT enuff for me..bt ya like wad i said...I NEED SOME PRIVACY!! plus MY STUFF KPS ON MISSING OUT OF NOWHERE! they jus disappear into thin air! ok i admit it's somewhere in de comp bt once i cant find them where i saved them initially..i haf no mood plus no intelligence to go find them! and they jus gone missing right after the reformatting of the comp! argh! i know bro agrees to lemme use his mac comp..bt i think it's gonna get worse..tt mac comp was like arabic to me.WORSE! and it is SO FREAKING fragile..u shld see de way my bro protects it..de moment i left sth on the lappy..he SCREAMS...so from the moment tt apple look-alike tinggy landed in my hse..i touched it only like less den 10 times? hah.it's been in de hse for a looong time.

overnite stay at yanx hse was great. surprisingly..i enjoyed being the quiet one around them..just listening to them talk was sufficient to kp me awake till late at nite and i admit it was a lil uneasy for me at times cos usually i'm de one yakking away..hah! bt yeah.these daes i jus prefer listening to them talk. maybe i do not haf much to offer..they know everything and none less about me so there's nt much to voice out. hee! dad asked if we catfight during the slpover..cos yeah there's more den 3 girls there so he expects some bitching. bt there's nt much to comment only that it's comfortable and cool. they're just a bunch of frens who's totally different from other frens i haf..in a good way that is..hah! and it's great we're still hanging out! hah.

and my bro still haven turn over after much typing..=( is he even gonna bother bout me?!?!?! argh. the pestering starts now...

my dearest UNCLE NG WINNIE ^-^ hahaha!

2006-07-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

woke up realising i have driving today..but there seems to be a pulling feeling in my tummy...GOSH~ the toilet's calling me! fwahhhh...*piak* and out goes the smelly shit...pui..hai. looking at the clock sighing, lucky i woke up early.. GOSH!!! tt toilet's hailing for me again!!! argh...and the cycle repeats itself...goodness. today must be a bad day for me. sigh. trudged and pulled myself to the bus-stop heading for the driving centre..damn. that idiot bus is so so so on time..forced me to run again..i'm feeling weak today ok! usually when i'm so anxious for the bus it doesnt seem to be so on time at all..idiot timing.

"PRINTING IN PROGRESS" and then..."NG C L" fwahhh!!! GOODNESS!!! is that what i saw?!?!? MY INSTRUCTOR FOR THE DAY IS NG C L!!!!! pei if you got to see this you must be so so so happy for me...wahahahhaha! my fave-o-rite instructor!!! wahahahhaA! (smiling to myself) and then...ding dong ding dong...(psst, before that i went to the toilet to haf a quick check to make sure i look good. damn. shld have wore some nicer clothes..) "hey hey it's YOU!" wahahaah!! he's damn cuteeeee....

and the strangest thing was he had diarrhoea as well! goodness..even our body acts similarly..oohhh. went for the crank course again to prove that my driving skills are GOOD like what i bragged about and to show that the other pervert instructor in my grp teaches well..haha! results are that he's not~! hahaha..he's so cute. i jus kept whining and complaining that i seem to be doing tai-chi early in de morning turning and spinning the idiot steering wheel..argh. and then came the parallel parkin...ohh..he is indeed cute!! ahhh...

"ehx..lock the door hor." "oopsx! not me! just now you go out wee wee you din lock!" "walao..me again. wee wee come back you must lock what..everything oso say is me..you see lah.we kena caught le lah...later i 记过 leh..den no bonus..den you treat me coffee arh i tell you..nono..coffee not enuff..treat me MEAL..dun care arh." oh..he IS cute. i am so so so tempted to ask for his contact number so as to date him out as HE requested..but den..my shy nature overcame me instead.hah!

*piang piang piang* "HA HA HA OMG!! JASLINE ANG HIT THE POLE! you see! everyone looking at us liao le!! wahahhaha!!!" goodness..the trainee beside me was smiling at me wif his instructor..damn. "ehx.you hit the pole mus go out pick urself one lehx..expect me to pick up for you arh..wait long long ah!" walao..so paiseh still hafta get out of the car..was already clutching the wheel with my head down le lehx.."idiot..okx lah you win lah.go out go out lah.scared arh." "HA HA HA HA HA!" and i actually DO NOT need to pick it up myself!! he's supposed to pick it up for me! he just wans me to get out of the car to sia suay myself...argh!! i was pissed. but smiling throughout..he is VERY the cute. argh.

"beeh beeh!" *points finger at me...* walao! he even showed me off to tt pervert instructor jeremey!! argh..i better nt be taken by him again if nt he's going to laugh his ass off throughout the whole 100mins..and i'll be ostracised by him again! argh..and then he shakes head. hah! since i'm de one who kps asking him to shut up and not disturb me..it's my fault lah seriously..hah! he's just so CUTE. and ended up i hafta treat him to mooncake on mooncake festival cos i did sth wrong..hah..i'm so high..we even gt nicknames for ourselves! he's de jian fei hou de winnie..i'm minnie..cos i'm wearing tt stoopid mickey watch..n he kps eyeing it saying it looks just like me. hah. winnie and minnie... HA HA HA.

ahyah..he's married le lah..but actually i dun mind being his god-daughter lehx.he's so cute. hahah! =P pass final theory first..den i cheong for lessons again! wahahaha...

end of entry..coming to think of it, i actually mentioned alot of times that he is cute..hah! guess how many times i did that..hah! so funny..i AM super HIGHHH... fwah ha ha ha ha !

2006-07-25T20:20:00.000-07:00

THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS as they appear. One minute i'm totally fine.
the next, i'm hunched over and clutching my stomach in sheer agony. DAMN, my cramps are here to stay again.

i'm supposed to go shopping today..but all i know is wad i felt, and i cant believe what i'm feeling. it's as if the lining of my stomach is suddenly peeling away with corrosive burning from the acid. i din scream..but my face was scrunched up and i was wiggling around in my bed. it's terrible. woman.pathetic souls. submitting to the pains of cramps...no matter how strong you are...you'll still raise your hands to surrender to them. but strangely, i seem to be one of the few to experience such pains..haha! anything. argh!

anywae i gt a new tuition kid..it's near my hse at guilin view and she's DAMN SMART...same primary sch as me! and her english teacher has de same surname as me..MISS ANG! hahahhaa...so coincidental. plus she's a darling to teach..she sits quietly in her seat for the whole one and half hour and only smiles and laughs at what i'm saying...so CUTE! and she's quite poor thing lah..her everyday family consists of her maid and her younger sister who aint as pretty as she is..haha! her mom's a businesswoman i guess running to and fro from countries all around the world satisfying clients but not her kids...my first impression of her maid's alright...not tt kinda BAD maid i have in mind of..hah! cos can see that she really cares for the lil ones..hah! so sweet..but it's still quite saddening to not see your mummy plus daddy everyday when you come home from school..

and my old student's parent called me up to ask me to continue teaching..shld i? goodness...ppl open mouth ask me teach liao i super paiseh to reject..haha! plus the pay is oso quite alluring sia..hehe! but the distance is abit the inconvenient sia..ahyah.nvm...i guess when the time comes, the weak me still will take him up one lah..jus pray and hopes that he'll change for THE BETTER...my own brother is already like shit.. y am i so concerned bout others...i'll hafta do sth BOUT MY OWN idiot bro den..hehe! sch's starting next friday...weird day to start a school...not exactly school lah..just the camps..haha! and i hope there's hunks for me to view!!! if nt life's really borING!!!! argh..hehe! plus great frens lying ahead of me...i needa get a life! hehe..

2006-07-21T17:37:00.000-07:00

went back to Nanhua in an unexpected way...was on our way in a taxi to NUS for the damn QET test with pris by my side and both of us were amazed at the NUS high school...so we decided to go visit our secondary school on our way back and also to Ginza where she could loan some comics..hah!

brought back certain memories for us when we stepped into that school...it's still nice and noisy and those horrendous kids still runs around the whole school saying.."yeah! i pass my physics test lehx!" hah..tt amused both of us.

intended to go meet pandian but when we're stuck outside the teachers' office, we acted like some theif not wanting to call him as we wanted to gif him a "surprise"..yeah.ended up when some teacher left the door open for us to enter he was right infront of us..TELEPATHY! hehe..he seems to have been promoted to Head Of Department...having his cubicle quite away from the rest of the teachers..hah! that's a good ting...he's still the same old person..no change at all! laughing cutely in a shy way at our jokes and criticising us again and again...hah! he's cool...one of my fave teachers...

next on the list was Ms Teo...she's retiring soon she said...(supposed to be a secret) quite old alr..40+ 50 le..haix! age's catching up with her and seems like she's darn tired...she's still single and living with her mom...n she mentioned that she wants to accompany her mom more often which is her main reason for retiring...yeah.it's time for her alr as well..but then again she actually taught for 25 years...goodness. surprised rite? hMm..well anywae it's quite sad that she's still single at this age...but i was thinking maybe she might regret reitiring cos if so, she'll feel herself at a loss..suddenly you have NOTHING to do at all...wouldn't you feel weird?

hMm...maybe she'd saved up enough to go on trips...some world tours with her mom..that will be meaningful...i'd like to do that when i'm old..hah! provided i haf the cash lah...everything still lies down to CASH....damn.

anyway the QET was a disaster...goodness..i'd better have a backup plan for myself if psychology was outta the question...again it seemed weird..entering a uni now without anywhere to go...but i've come to terms that i'm actually quite lucky that i got a placing for myself...that's the most luck i can squeeze out myself i guess...hah!

2006-07-17T02:09:00.000-07:00

sac sac gt the baby rashes!! poor thing..n he learnt a new word - FLOWER!! goodness i'm teachin him girlie stuffs...i'm amazed at my tolerance towards him..maybe through him i can train my PATIENCE...wahaha! he's damn cute...de wae he runs to me legs with the hands all up whining..."teh teh..teh teh..." tt's how he calls me..hah! shld tk a photo of that scene and show it..hah! the only bad thing bout him is that whenever you wanna go out and when you're getting dressed...he would follow you around and refused to be carried by my mom..he just wans to wait till i reach for the door and he'll take his shoes and sit down looking up saying.."teh teh...teh teh.." hah! poooorrr ting!!!

the friday gathering was totally off!! i thought we'll be going to some high-class hotel for buffet dinner...but SADLY..it's just a condo off orchard road at the recreation area with the music pumping...while i'm all glammed up with HEELS...damn.everyone's in shorts..EVERYONE JUST FORGOT TO REMIND ME TO WEAR SHORTS!!! played along shoe-less anyway..hah! everyday's just another day...nth much to mention about..but finished the fliming act with steph and got my pay! hehe..it's actually a wonder to be with somone for four full total years and though we went separate paths...there's bound to be a chance we'll come together again and that's what i call fate...unknowingly..i seem to believe very much in fate...maybe it's cos some frens though once close..once separated we'll never get together again as there's no chance our paths would cross and the most impt reason would be no effort being placed in to want to be together...sad but that's what it is...hehe!

new cool bag - great deal!! hehee...sometimes market is some places i would wake up for..hah!finished da vinci story..capturing nice book..made me stayed up last nite and risked being whacked by sac...he's damn violent. gonna find it's pirated VCD next le..hah!

2006-07-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

it wasnt until 30th July 2006 that i finally got myself outta HSBC office..hah! returned my pass and everything..the pass which i fumbled through my bag looking for it every early morning at 8.30am...i admit i sort of missed looking for it or like what i said..it has became an accessory in my bag..hah! my understudy gt sacked my officer..everything seemed so impeccable, she's slow..she couldnt cope well that's why she got sacked..but i seemed to think of it otherwise...it's not as obvious as it seems though.

singapore's a multi-racial country...everyone's given a fair chance..but sadly beneath this layer of fairness everyone is portraying to others out there...people are still bias against the minorities...yeap..my understudy's an indian...a normal indian whom initially i was quite against..but den when i got to know her better...she's just like everyone around us...being stressed out when she knows that she must learn everything from me within a wk and she's totally confused over what i taught her...i felt quite sympathetic to her bothered face when she's asked if she could cope well here...but ya..although she's slow..i thought she could at least last for quite a while until she succumb to failure...but she lasted only a week..maybe it's a matter of time..everything is just there at the wrong time..sometimes i just felt everything was so unfair as to why one was not given the slightest chance to try to perform well...

but i still think maybe leaving at this point of time would be better for her in a way or another cos yeah..it's quite obvious she's not going to be well-liked there and i wouldnt want her to bear with such discrimination in a small place like that..you have to be happy while working and from the previous incident..it's quite clear she won't be happy there...yeap.stop comforting yourself to make youself feel better from the guilt..yeah i admit i'm quite guilty i din treat her better or let's say i din try to make her feel less stress...maybe cos i was too anxious to pass my baton over to her within that pathetic one week..hah!

ya..speaking of given a chance, was rejected through and through by NTU for psych...i know my lowi's sort of sad and yeah i dunno how to put it to words but sometimes just felt this awkwardness when i know she's sorta trying very hard to get me somewhere but it still failed..hah! it's ok my dear!! i'm happy and very much blessed to have such a fren like you..dun worry i'm not really THAT sad when i know there's not even a 0.1% of chance for me getting into NTU..at least i got over that sadness..so yeah..at least i know i've tried hard enuff to TRY to get there and i have such a sweet fren like you being by my side every now and then..=D muackx! you're truly someone indeed~ hah..

just hope i save up all my luck to allow me to bid successfully for my desired courses...that's what i hate bout NUS...you hafta bid for everything and you hafta have the amount of luck with ppl will open their mouth in awe..argh. i just felt that i wasnt born with this luck and though ppl around me thought i'm lucky enough..haix.that's just not me.yeah.

ps: just felt quite pissed off by the way the prof tried to push me aside with his words. maybe the lack of sincerity angered me..or perhaps it's just some jealous bitch here who's frustrated over the person who doesnt gives her what she wants..cant help bitching over him..i was right thinking that he's just some pervert trying to prey on lil girls like me...he was damn right pervert...making himself look so superior and enjoy seeing me desperately trying to plea with him to lemme enter his faculty...argh. this is what i call "chi bu dao pu tao shuo pu tao suan"

HA HA HA HA HA

2006-06-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

life is quite a failure when you sit down and think about things and you realised you're uncertain if someone out there would definitely put you on their first class list of best friends...hah.here comes the emotional jasline with her monthly nagging and self-wallowing..but ya sometimes you cant help but think if people out there really cares about you..there is no assurance that they'll be there for you and when things happen they might not even give a damn about you..this is life i guess...i just cant help but think that perhaps there could be some people out there who really cares..just that i haven met them..i will soon i hope!

was given a hope but it seemed an imaginary one the day it happened..hah! sometimes when you're given something..you would think that that thing is not good enuff..but when that thing was taken away from you, you'll want it badly..it's weird how people think huh? or maybe it's weird how I think..hah! thank you junnie for being there when ya..i got temperamental bout everything that's happening...hah! you're great! but i haven return you my lunch money..rmb to take it from me hor..now that you're extending...wahahaha! i might be leaving earlier den you! hurray!

my brother's growing up...cool.he's working now and ya is being quite independent from wad i see..perhaps it's cos i never get to see him at all the whole day except for bedtime..it's sth weird..cos usually he's de slack one and the one my mom will complain bout who's doing nth at home the whole day..hah!

one more wk to freedom...woohoo!!

sometimes it's good to be sick..people cares huh? hah..but sadly those who cares are quite unexpected..those whom you thought shld care did not..contradicting..haix!

2006-06-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

i couldnt exactly say AW's a very bad person, cos sumtimes she jus treats me quite good..hah! was so guilty that i promised pei i shall stop complainin and cursing bout her for a week..i know it's quite evil of me but sometimes i just cant stand the way she over-reacts to matters. today though i was quite touched by quite a number of things. first when i saw AW running around raffles place helping me to find 2 pathetic bottles of minute maid for me to get a free bluetooth, i'm REALLY TOUCHED..i mean i almost called her telling her to forget bout the bluetooth cos i sort of think it's quite worthless..hah! yeah, but before i could stop her, she settled everything nicely for me. and she would rather tell me bout the deal compared to telling her blood related relative...come to think of it,i grabbed quite a few deals from her...the OTO "zun zun zun" tinggy..this free phone plus damn damn damn cheap plan..ya. she's not a bad person anyway..maybe a good fren but never a good colleague..hah!

secondly was a direct sales person whom i thought would not put me in her eyes cos ya..i'm just a temp staff who'd get replaced regularly..who would take note of the small me? but ya she did and she even gave me a packet of M&Ms!! i mean ya..it's de gesture that touches me lah..and basically what she said to NZ..saying it's so fun to talk to me!! hahaha..when i almost forgot i talked to her before..i mean it's just the sweet feeling you get when you feel of some importance lah..hah! coooolll....and she's actually sad i'm leaving..boo hoo hoo! gt so excited that i cant even eat my zinger and that idiot pei dowan finish it up for me...

well there's booboos today as well...some idiot who don understand simple english messed up my drawer and did not follow some of my elementary instructions..hah! and she made pei so paiseh infront of our officer!! i'm not sure if that's her plan lah..but there shld be some punishment for such brainless actions..and she got them! AW discovered that she's indeed a SLACKER and ya..reported to boss (told you she's not a good colleague), and viola!! all the work's being thrown back to her!~! good! i'm gonna watch a freaky thriller on friday..hah..yawn..

i really hope i'll get to NTU psychology cos NUS arts and social science seems rather unsafe...bt ya..NUS is indeed better...shall wait for NTU to accept me first before i consider again..i wan go on a holiday!!!

2006-06-11T00:13:00.000-07:00

stuck at home with a rainy day eating my lays potato chips and talking to my dear xinyan while my bro and dad and mom are in the background yakking and screaming bout what to throw out of the house --> spring-cleaning.

bro's got the car for sum damn wedding of his fren..poor guy. short-gun marriage..his future's bleak for a moment cos of a wrong move..cancelled off his trip to australia for studies..almost sold his bike off for the wedding..hah! now i guess the next best thing would be the baby coming along..oOo lala!but hey..not my problem..hah! i have a principle! marriage first then unprotected sex!! hahaha!! and i'm proud of my principle oki..i'll slap you if u step further one single step!

later when the rain stops my dad is so damn excited that he's gonna the train to some shopping centre..if that's the case..that would be his fourth time in his life taking the train..and through the discussion with xinyan, i think i'm gonna laugh at myself if i were to go take the train..i know i sound quite bimbotic or in a nice way materialistic but ya..i cant stand taking the train..esp when i take the train almost everydae squeezing with loads of different ppl..though it's excitin and a great place to observe people, you would also hafta stand the stench when it's too packed and a stinky sweaty guy comes stand next to you..and the worse thing would be when some asshole just fart right in the middle of the train...FIRE IN THE HOLE!! and all would be wiped out! i know it's mother's nature..well i do fart indecently as well..but at that point of time...i cursed like hell.

people around me thinks the car is redundant..why so!! the only barrier for me getting the car is the price..well mayb that's the barrier for everyone else..hah! but ya..no matter what i'll save and scrimp jus to get a damn car..haha! sadistic huh? and then i'm reminded again..after half a year..i still haven pass my damn drivin..haha! gonna pass my final theory first i guess..hehe!

bored out..

2006-06-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

met up with someone who used to be only in my head together with the happy moments i once had..but the conversation did not exactly lead to something very pleasant. i was told i did not put in effort in salvaging the relationship and that i gave that kinda "i'm not concerned" attitude..felt betrayed..years of not getting over him seemed to exist for no reason and that the feeling of being conned just kept appearing in my head. i blame myself for being dumb. hanging onto something which i thought has a happy ending. i kinda believe in fairy tales though for the moment it sounds as if i'm trying to deceive myself perhaps to make myself happier? felt as if i'm a failure living in the past. i know i should get out of the lala-land for my own sake but i just can't. maybe this will prove me wrong. i just need to find all the reasons i can to convince myself that he isnt worth all that but there seems to be no spark to stop my heart from thinking of him and all those. he mentioned we're not meant to be, while i was the one who thought that he's the best thing that ever happened in my life..one wrong move shows it all, the wrong move which i did not disagree with the breakup led to this...i was just trying to show that i'm strong and that i respect whatever you decided..you were the one who made it so clear cut and asking me not to be sad and everything..i mean that's me, perhaps i wonder for what reason i just didnt want to show you a weak side of me and that ya..i still have my pride..but that cost me everything..maybe we're really not meant to be..hah! i finally got the point when he says we're not compatible..maybe we're too much alike in the sense we both are very much concerned with our ego that we did not try our very best to salvage everything..at this instant, i very much want to tell him that i did not and am not giving that "i'm not concerned" attitude but i belive the person i once and only once was touched by was gone and replaced with an asshole with such an egoistic attitude and everything i hate in a poser..that's him.

oh now i remember why there's a mismatch of character. you said i was childish. was that the reason? makes no difference now i know but why am i still thinking of it...ass.i should just be unbothered by all these and look forward to life..hah! my boring life to be exact. =P

"a girl with an ass like me wouldnt like a guy with a face like yours" ---> i love this phrase

2006-06-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

English is actually a very profound language. Although there're many words for "you" in German like Du, dich.dir, blablabla...there's only one word for you in English...but for bad words, there's countless of words for them.

To be exact, there are a lot of different meanings to the bad words, take for example my FAVOURITE one, "fuck".
The Eskimos actually have fifty different words for snow, the English have fifty different words for fuck. ---> cool

Here it goes...before you continue reading beware if you have heart problems and am affected to that special word like me

i am fucked up ---> i am angry
i do not give a fuck ---> i do not care
you're a useless fuck ---> you're a useless person
fuck a duck ---> exclamation of surprise
fuck all ---> nothing
fuck off ---> get lost
get the fuck out ---> get lost with anger
you fuck face ---> you irritating face
i am fucked ---> i'm tired
fuck someone's ass off ---> sex with a degree of enthusiasm
fucking hell ---> wad de hell...

i'm feeling dizzy from all the typing..how i hate that word...

2006-06-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

A long time ago, a king held a grand party in his palace and invited the prettiest ladies from all around the world. During the party, one of the king's guards chanced upon a princess in the garden and was struck by how pretty the princess was. She was practically the prettiest lady he had ever seen. From that moment onwards, he was mesmerized by her and fell in love with the princess. But he knew that both their status was totally different and they belonged to the two ends of the world.

One day, the guard finally gathered up his courage and approached the princess confessing his love for her. He said that without the princess, his life seems to have no meaning at all. The princess was indeed touched by what the guard said but only replied, "If you are able to wait outside my house for a hundred days, I would be willing to marry you." Upon hearing it, the guard rushed to the princess's palace and started waiting.

A day passed, two days, three days, twenty days. The guard did not moved an inch. No matter rain or shine, he still stood by the palace and waited patiently. Until the 90th day, the guard was almost stiff to death and was already dehydrating. He stood outside motionless, with only tears falling down as he has no more energy left to hold back any of his tears and lost all energy to even sleep.

Finally, the 99th day arrived. The guard disappeared. No one knew why the guard disappeared as he was never found. But that was how the guard loved the princess and it was the only way he could be with her forever. No one understood him, and no one knew that this was how the guard actually thought...

Although he had waited for 99 days and just need to only wait one more day before he could marry the princess, he was still afraid that the princess would break her promise and not marry him at all. That would definitely pierce his heart and he might even die of sadness. And because of that, he waited till the last day and left with the joyful image of the princess marrying him. Only by that, can he leave with happiness in his heart.

2006-06-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

hah! jus woke up from a very angry sleep i went into last nite..being very bored early in the morning, i entered the office asking if my fren wans go shopping wif me cos previously our three attempts of goin bugis failed terribly...but she had plans to go watch movie..so i shall step aside..first disappointment.

den i was quite surprised at the request for me to extend my stay again..plus sum stoopid woman who's trying to act officer started to ask us to don't talk too much cos OT hours high productivity low...ehx.i'm waiting for my mentor to hang up the phone lah..what you expect me to do? stare at her till she puts down the phone? now that our officer's gone u keep complaining you're tired at covering her job...oh so you're the officer here arh? HA HA HA...joke of the month..you so dun qualify as one even though i think your nail polish is nice and that you smell nice..pui..your attitude is so very not good okx..

sat down msging someone who could be free to go out with me...ended up no one replied me!! and when they replied..all replied at once!! this is fate...someone's out playing a prank on me. argh! it's a FRIDAY!! why make me suffer in the office and even outside office...my fren says i pangseh him...walao u're the one who went to cancel your own activities in the first place ok! den you blame me for it..i said it was ok i'll have other plans what! and i did..and you turned around and blamed me...and everyone starts blaming me...ahhhhhhh!!!

ahyah..i know it's my fault for like asking more than one ppl if they are free to accompany me but i cant possibly wait for one's reply till 6 and when that person is not free..i'm supposed to stay back and work OT again? eeeee...irritating! where is my stoopid shit!!! she's still in japan haven come back!! if she's there on fridae i would be sure to go out with her and wun date anyone else!!! argh..i'm not going to date anyone ELSE! arrrrgghhhh...

but i guess the poor me's gonna do that when i get bored again..useless! cos no one DATES ME!!!! haix.forget it..bought a curler cum straightener which i cant really figure out how to use..i mean use as in curl my hair nicely..hah! cos there's practically no instruction menu!! wah..that means need training arh..scarly i train till my hair BOMB!! hah..that's it..sort of regretted it..with complaints from my mom that i waste money again...wah..most of my money was spent of food and i alr managed to cut down by half ok!!! i use to spend like almost $100 a wk on food..when i eat out for dinner sometimes..and now i skip dinner and i din eat ALOT during lunch ok!! but anywae pui..that's my money what! i din offer to take ANY from you why are you so agitated??? moms are just moms...maybe i shld set up a hate blog against my mom..but the again that would be so unfilial of me and i would get 天打雷批!! haha...

2006-05-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

my mom cant stand me, i cant stand my mom..hah! nice combination huh??
i gt accepted and rejected..somehow the feeling of rejection jus doesnt feel good..yeah and that's how i'm feeling right now...the direct route to psychology in NTU rejected me...the round-about route accepted me..which makes me wonder if i'll have the chance to land up in psychology my ultimate desired course...if i really cant land a place there..it's the same as not getting accepted at all...i know i'm being negative..but just cant help it..anyway i'm still like accepting it and then appealing to NTU to see if i can still get it...what else can i do? pray harder i guess...the odds are that maybe things arent as smooth as i thought..but whateva de case is..it's a step at a time lo!! argh.

listening to my fren lamenting...she's a much worse freak den me i realised...complainin how bonkers de system is...how everyone with worse grades can get into NTU but not us..hah! sumtimes i jus wonder how others might think if i'm like her and my audience's like me..i aint feeling that gd anywae..so i guess tt's how ppl felt..hah! PJ's left the office..for good..she's so so so not coming bac..unless porky pig forces her to..hah! new nickname..if PJ sees this she's gonna faint..hah! shall end abruptly to play the sims. bleah. and change my address again..jus dun feel safe with this blog cos seems like lotsa ppl lookin at it...looking into my life!! my privacy!!! looking into ME!!! the vulnerable me!!! wahahha..yeah rite.

2006-05-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

me: fenmei..
fm: huh???
me: nothing...
fm: siao!
me: fenmei...
fm: 做么？
me: it's time to get a boyfren...
fm: yalo...empty window so long liao...是时候了。haix...
me: but i no target lehx..you lehx..
fm: 会洗碗的就好了。
me: gt sense of humour can liao..
fm: standard drop until so low liao still lidat...失败
me: nvm lah..let's jiayou..=D
mentor: whey..you two siao arh!! ask you work you two tok rubbish...

wahahahha!! tt's de conversation i had while working..can sense de boredom in there..=P but de saddest ting was jus as i was bout to love my partner sitting next to me other den my beloved peijun...SYLVIA CHANGED MY SEAT...cant anyting get better? den i was thinkin to myself...finally i can sit next to peijun..haix! it's ok lah...stil can still can..

two hours later...OH SHIT..peijun's goin on a holiday next week!!!! DAMNIT...i'm left alone again..under the control of my officer's choice and decision..she's out to get me..i knew it right in my bones...argh!!

my driving instructor for todae is SUPER DUPER CUTE!!! cant stand him...jokes and everything...and he can sense i LOVE THE COLD!!! haha..bt i gt too chilled out at de end of de session...my god..he's a HOT PAPA man...two daughters in LA, open-minded and everything...and crashed my fave car out in the streets!! sending it to the hospital and apologising to me for spoiling my fave car..hah! and he watches series at home!!! where can you find such a guy!! and de most impt ting..he's CUTE!!! and he knows he's cute...plus he's so proud of it..hilarious..i called him matured shuai ge..hah! and he got so excited when i sae i'm goin to shout his nickname in de hall if i see him nxt time..hah! okx..i shall be faithful to my number 1 cute instructor...haha! cute instructor and matured shuai ge...and he say cute instructor mus like me alot cos he seldom tok!!! woo!!! soooo coooollll!!! haha...okx..i can sense myself being desperate but i guess not to this extent..hah! but they're just cute UNCLES afterall..hah!

went out with an old fren...and sth's missing..hMmmm

2006-05-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

oh the giraffe was damn cool!!!! i tried to see if the giraffe has blue tongue..but they're too far away...or was it the dog chow chow having blue tongue?? haha...whatever...

2006-05-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

my dad was forced to take this pic with me...he was damn unhappy bout it..haha!! cool rite??? "LEMME OUT!!! THE ANIMALS GONNA EAT US UP!!!!" and the ah beng-lookalike was sulking away...

2006-05-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

hah! this is damn cute...me: "eh uncle..u not scared i scared lehx..tt damn stork is like taller den you by his beak and you stil wan pull me go nearer...he attack us how???" baby: "walao you damn scardy cat lehx you..i stil wan touch it arh!! come storky storky..."

2006-05-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

jie jie dun go lah...i still wan see monkeyyysss...hahaha!

2006-05-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

yawn.....orhhhh!!!!!!! ---> he's the sleepy one..haha!

2006-05-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

wanted to head for the safari...but then...sumone's getting sleepy....so just a photo will do...hah! new face for night safari!!! hahaha...

2006-05-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

roarrrrrrrrrr...and that's de lion looking up!! hahaa....

2006-05-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

hehehee...i can walk i can walk...walao i jus realised i look damn auntie..haha!! bt when u hold a kid..how girlie can you look?? hahah!!! i'm mistaken for a unwed mum...can you believe it?? hah..

2006-05-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

i know there seems to be this craze bout kangaroos..but they're all over the zoo!! haha..what you expect..ok for a change this is a fake one..hahha!

2006-05-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

me and the kanga!! haha...seems like de kanga's more interested in the grass den in me..humph..evil!

2006-05-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

me & shagged daddy & retarded mummy! haha...at the erm..cave?? makes us look so short..shorties!!!

2006-05-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

groan...the BIG day came...ahhh!! the pain accumulated from last month since i missed it previously and it's painful!! and costly that is..cos i had to spend sum on my taxi fee hm when i started thinking i cant possibly get a seat in the train..hah! the poor cabby was so freaked out by me cos he said i looked so pale..."xiao jie...you ok ma?? where pain? wan panadol not??" he eavesdropped on my conversation with xue saying i'm not meeting her for lunch and am heading home cos i cant take the pain..cos right after i kap my phone i jus lie against the window "sleeping" in pain..den this "knight" kps waking me up trying to ask if i'm alright..i know he's concerned but he's quite irritating lah..throughout my whole 11.40 trip he asked for about 6 times?? haha...i stil intended to lie one flat across his backseat but thought against it..that'll make him more "OMG are you alrite?" haha...

last dae of work..coming to think of it..i'm getting JOBLESS soon!! haha..cos i din have much activities planned up ahead..think i'm gonna get bored out soon..haha! bt nvm..i shall not be looked down upon and say i stil wan stay on to work..haha! lidat really damn no face lehx..hehe! though sometimes i did ponder over it..cos it's really quite an easy money job..ahyah! forget it..haha!

brother got his letters of rejection yeah..i know it's quite depressing to receive such a letter and the content is quite fake and yeah..too real to be accepted..cos it's quite obvious that you can't compete with the people out there with your results and you've been squeezed out among the crowd..stil no news..no news AT ALL...pathetic...maybe sth wrong with the mailbox? hah..dun think so..."processing" is the word i hate most..it's taking ages and driving me crazy!!! haix..shall wait for the ltrs to come...it's as if i'm waiting for death to come...like they sae..等久就有..really hope i have cos i really wait quite long le..and the wait's quite an agony..argh.

i'm glad you're happy cos i can see you are...for a moment i don't look down on him cos he's some guy to have made you this happy..not everyone can do that and he doesnt need anything to possess that quality..he just needs to be him..hah! muackx!! but i know you stil love me the most...wahhahahahaa!! but now that you're attached...what about me?!?!?!?!? can someone love me??!?!?!? wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........for a moment i'm jealous..humph!

2006-05-12T01:52:00.000-07:00

it wasnt easy imagining myself to be like my mum in the future years...i pray and wish i wouldn't be like her! bless me..perhaps when i'm not around her for most of the times for like half a year and suddenly when i'm stuck being alone with her...and maybe at this point of time my patience and self-controllable emotions been so restricted and when i cant stand a small single action she did..i'll just speak my mind and RAHhHhHhH!! the ticking bomb goes off...ok i know it's super evil of me to say such things about my mummy esp when Mothers' Day is just ard the corner..but den again..i really cant help it..can she brighten up and put some sense into her brain to reflect on her own actions so she wun end up like her mum...my grandma's the same duplicate as my mum and looking at her really pains my heart..the family is so broken up that even though she holds a strong image of herself..it's quite obvious that she regretted what she had done...or did she? it's too late anywae...she cant and din really get to enjoy her last few years...

whee...i bought a dress and this cool kinda heels whick looks like wedges..haha! lookin at hot mama wearing her wedges really makes me so envious..she's so sexy!! hahaa...bt i wear like nt sexy lehx..bt nvm lah..i look into de mirror de more i look de more sexy lehx!! haha!nxt wk's my LAST wk...woohoo!! life's still goes on..i shall start planning what to do on my HOLIDAY!! hah..bt when i start dating ppl..they're all so busy working...bt oki lah..stil gt sum not workin..haha! so anyone hu reads this!!! DATE ME AFTER 19TH!!! hahahaa...

anywae i bought this OTO trimax tinggy which looks like de uzap for my mum..and it's supposed to be delivered to our hse on monday...oki nt i buy..is me and my bro buy...i can more or less imagine how animatedly she's gonna react when i reach hm on mondae nite..mayb i shall stay out later...hah! mayb before i even reach hm she's gonna scream her head off..hah!

2006-05-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

it wasnt easy sorting out my thoughts...i realised i think alot..which is why i ended up sleepy easily...cos of my brain being so busy..hah!but i confirmed sth again..when i'm sad or sth bad happened to me..i jus feel like sleeping it away..habitual? or call it sth i relied on most..and easily..hah! i started a diary which really pens down all my inner thoughts..i'm suddenly aware that i am so bitchy..in a wae i actually bitches bout everyone around me..haix! i'm actually such a bad person...well i din actually pens it down everytime i tot of sth..i jus make a note on eveything i thought about and at the end of the dae update it..hah! it makes me feel guilty..cos i even remembers peii saying that "u're the best person i've ever seen..serious!"...bt from the wae she says it i duno if it's to cheer me up or wad lah..hah! bt anyways she's like an angel sent from above on a mission to save the world lah..even noticed an old lady hiding in the shadows selling tissue papers...de image of she digging her bag for her wallet did touch me..and even made me reflect on myself...

i believe in retribution and reincarnation and everything..which is why i haf this perception that mayb wad happened to me now is cos of all the bad things i've done previously..hah!

ya i know this is absurd and everything..bt it's also a way to comfort myself...meaning everything's fate and the only thing i can do is change fate when i have the chance..but if otherwise..i would have no chance still...so it's okay..i'll have to adapt to the environment i am in but not force the environment to adapt to me and then complain that it is not adapting to me..even children were taught to be realistic and accepts fate although it might be dreadful...

when i was just a little girl

i asked my mother what would i be

will i be pretty?

will i be rich?

here's what she says to me...

que sera sera

whatever would be would be

the future's not ours to seee

que sera sera

what would be would be

makes sense right? damn..bt i bet all these would fall on deaf ears cos once a child like me singing these stuff din realised it until today..hah!

again..i shall not be swayed by the "forced pleas" for me to extend my resignation..hah! i am tempted to..mayb cos of de pay and the image of me slacking away at home listenin to me bloody mummy nagging..hah! but den again..i tink stil not worth staying there lah..haha!

i cant stand my family at times esp my mum...and it's getting worse..haix! sometimes when ppl gets too close to you..there tend to be sum kinda reverse kinda stuff happening..you tend to repel away from them more..and it's happening..unnerving..irritating! argh

2006-04-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

i'm speechless at the sight of the two of you complaining and complaining non-stop..i cant imagine sumone being able to switch faces as fast as you two...yeah you think you're far more superior than others..you think you're more capable of doing a good job compared to others...but did you know while you're complaining and indiscreetly despising others to someone..that someone either similarly or even look down on you more? you tried hard to portray an image of a nice and good person..oh mayb everyone desires to succeed in doing that..but let me openly declare that you failed terribly..you are so not nice and sweet at all...i'm disgusted at your actions..repelled..grossed out..i know i might not be wrong..but if more than 3 person's perception agrees on almost the same simple fact..it's either there's a problem with the three of us or there's a major problem wif you two..

poor them..haix! nw i finally managed to escape from this place..i admit working at HSBC is really a no-brainers job..it's so tiring easy that one can close an eye..no..close BOTH eyes working..and it's good money anywae..jus stay awhile later and u get $9 an hour..though you'll have to suffer the fate of NO AIR-CON..hah! i thought i'm the luckiest and was secretly happy..but my NORMAL neighbour (my other neighbour was one of THEM..argh) goin to suffer another one more wk b4 she leaves for other team...

imagine this..if this continues..the whole team of initial 12 would leave with only you two!! OMG...look at the great contrast...haix! that's life..you never know what's gonna happen next and you never know when the interesting people around you are gonna leave the next moment...they might have their reasons..have their choices..but you are in no position to stop them from leaving your world...leaving it to make it seem so dull all of a sudden..as if there's a hole there sumwhere...lost in thoughts..i never thought i would notice their absence..but when they really left you..and u start wondering when the hell is the next time you're going to meet that person again..you'll feel sad for awhile..so..treasure what you have around you! even if they're the ones whom you dun really interact with...enjoy the times withthem!! =P

mummy's getting abnormal...hate this feeling when i dislike and start picking on her...but sometimes she really gets on my nerves..her simple-mindedness but complicated in the absolutely wrong way is really exasperating...and i guess for the moment the best solution to it is to remain in silence..well silence is golden..i'll just take it that she's the most "extraordinary" mum among all mummys out there...hah!

2006-04-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

i felt the gap between us widen..could it be due to de fact that we've been close to each others for years and have used up practically all the topics we can think of? that i don't think so..bt seriously speakin there's sth between us that i couldnt explain..it's quite saddening to think that we could actually end up like this..but i guess not doing sth about it makes me feel worse.

a pang of jealousy rose up when i see that u can be on close terms with others but not me..hah! call me possesive or what i dont care..but maybe thinking that why me and you cant be like you and de others makes me feel sad..not really sad but there's a pinch in de corner of my heart..OK i admit..a pinch that'll create a BLUE BLACK..haix..but whatever it is..ahyah dunno lah...at this point of time..my dumbass mummy's sitting behind me irritating me..i feel like slapping her at times...forget it.shall ignore her again.

2006-04-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

i have a pen,
my pen is blue.
i have a friend,
my friend is YOU!

mummy's coming home tomorrow! hah..life's going to turn normal again! but she already warned me not to expect any gifts from her cos she cant seem to find anything suitable for me..are my expectations that high? haha! quite lah..everytime she brings home sth i'll jus criticise and complain..wahahah! but i bet the real reason is she being so selfish and not wanting to buy anyting for me lah! haha..

anywae i jus found this wonderful woman..or lets say a monkey who loves to eat crunchie and if possible she can eat like erm 6 crunchies in a day!! yeap..she's nuts..haha! but i love her to bits!! but she tinks i'm a old worrisome and naggy granny...nice one..hah! okx. tis meaningless entry hints that i am so super bored..hah!

2006-04-15T02:22:00.000-07:00

this iguana is damn ugly i wonder why...do i really look like one?? hah!

2006-04-15T02:10:00.000-07:00

n i jus realised sth...i tink i'm having this ting called double chin which makes me look so much like an iguana...yuckx.hah!

2006-04-15T01:52:00.000-07:00

it's been months since i last cycled continuously for like 2 hrs..although it was tiring and a prove that i am indeed getting very weak..it was still fun to be in the sun afterall..but the aftermath was certainly not so fun..cos i had dumbly wore a tshirt together with a watch..which caused my "sensitive skin" to be baked in quite a ugly way..hah! peii was exclaimin how easily sun-tanned i am but perhaps it's due to de long term hiding in shadows that's why..hah! it was meant to be another boring day for me..brooding over sum stuffs which i am quite depressed over.although it was indeed my choice..i cant help but regret over it..mayb i din really imagine myself in that situation and when it really happens..i was caught off-guard..argh.

saw alot of happening stuff and the yearn to do sth came to me again..me n peii's nxt target would be goin kayaking..den play de water-skiing stuff..haha! the weather's really temperamental..one min it's scorching hot..and the next i'm caught in this huge rain that i cant even see my fren running towards me near my hse..hah! and she exclaimed that i sort of bloated..i cant say i'm affected by comments on me being fat cos i know i am not really THAT fat...bt in this kinda rainy days when i am like running without an umbrella mus "you've sort of bloated!!" be the first ting u say to me right after hi?? haha..nice one arh u..idiot.tink i'm drenched like sum "drop soup chicken" (direct translation from chinese) that's why de shirt n everyting was stickin to my skin..hah! it's my arms fault..i'm goin to get rid of it...hah! bt for the moment i dun tink i'll be showing off my "retired muscles" cos the colour contrast just looks weird...anywae to emphasise that the rain was indeed huge..my mickey mouse bag's pocket was flooded wif rain water...damnit.hah! i'm not exaggerating serious! hah.

thank you thank you thank you for being there when i needed sumone..you're not irritating shit but my lovely shit..hah! i felt better todae..thanx. and to another missing in action fren hu'll suddenly appear when i needed help..hah! u're de best stoopid shit i eva had..dun tink u'll see tis cos i dun remember giving u my bloggie..bt jus hope de msg gt to you telepatically..hah! muackx.

2006-04-09T02:26:00.000-07:00

tis is wad i termed as a LAZY SUNDAY..i practically did nothing but daydreamed and stare endlessly into the empty space right infront of me..my mind's a total blank and i have nothing much to think about actually...i know there's this group of people out there who are totally preoccupied with the amount of stuff they have in their hands but looking at my bare hands now..i cant help but stop to think why am i such a bummer..when can i ever stop sighing..now i know why i jus sigh out of nowhere instinctively..it's cos there's practically nothing in my life which perks me up at this point of time! hah...

this leads to a pop-out from my ever so dead brain reminding me sumone was actually interested in my life..hah! i'm honoured to hear tt actually and a hint of gush did rush up my spine..bt it faded away as soon as it came..cos after much racking of my puny brains...i cant exactly find something so interesting to relate to others bout my life..hah! am i really so obsessed in caging myself in my own reticent world? i'm really freaking out myself..

roller coaster feelings i've experienced last nite..sumone out of nowhere actually made me stay up late till 2am online just toking to him! hah..this is so hilarious..i would ususally be bored out by sumone if i toked more den 1 hr to that person..din expect myself to entertain him n be entertained for almost erm..6 hrs? i guess so..mayb it's cos we're strangers until last 2 mths ago..n there's this air of mystery around that person which leads me to probe more bout that person..hah! or let's jus say i'm getting desperate?! gosh..i'm when the one who first commented that he is...such a freak..hah! would u really like sumone for like 2 yrs since your last "affair" unless u've got really no one coming your way for you to pick up..i doubt so..that's y i'm not going to fall into YOUR trap and be tempted again! haha..you're so off my league anywae..two different ppl from two different world are totally not meant for each other..being sure that you wun step into my land of delusion..i guess i shall hurt you here..sorry i'll be ignoring you for the times ahead..and i really think you should be more truthful to yourself cos i dont think i'm the one you should be waiting for..=P i'm only in your life for like 1 month..what makes you think i am the one? idiot.

ahhhh..mummy's gone..i actually did the laundry while being online..excercising my multi-tasking's a real challenge..haha! shit..i jus over-exaggerate my workload..hah! it's quite simple anywae lah..jus that last night when i was trying to run the washing machine, i actually left the pipe out in the open which caused the whole kitchen to flood a few millimetres up..haha!! and i still thought it's the rain..when there's absolutely no rain at all..hah! dumbass..luckily the kitchen's not linked to the living room..if not i would have more things to do..idiot!!

today's sunday, tomorrow's monday..i fear that i might not be able to wake up in time..cos my alarm clock was jus sent to china!! cant expect the alarm to ring there and i from spore gets to hear it loud and clear?? haix..i can imagine what's gonna happen nxt dreadful wk..but then i intend to tk a day's off!! haha..cos my building's doin washing and painting and i gotta be home to supervise!! that's order from my mum..MY MUM!! no one can ignore that order..unless i myself wants to..bt luckily being such a filial child..i shall heed my mum's advice..to stay hm..
hey..i'm alr good enuff nt to be missing whole wk ok..i'm only gone for a day...cant blame me..=P humph.

2006-04-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

i love my mickey mouse white baggy..hah!

i tink there's bound to be ppl out there hu hates me...this photostating AUNTIE at work hates me!! i can feel it in my bones..whenever i'm close to her..there's this signal of hatred all around her! i knew it the moment i made eye contact with her..SHE HATES ME! bt i shall nt be affected by her cos i hate her as much as she hates me as well..hah! bt den again..lookin at my dumb mickey mouse bag..i shall be kind to everyone out there cos i can vent my anger on de cute and wussy mickey! hah..actually i stil cant understand y i think mickey is dumb..hah!

i thought i handled everything well and had it coming all along..but the impact was so huge that for a moment i couldnt manage it at all..it wasnt easy finding someone like you and it wasnt easy finding back myself...i'm getting more self-consious of myself today trying to find out what exactly caused everything but i guess it's the ultimate change in me..i cant and am not interested to mingle with ppl i am not familiar with and detest the idea of chatting with them..i didnt want to be left out..but i am apprehensive of talking to them and so i jus retract away from them..peiiii wasnt tt high either and i can sense a hint of uneasy-ness as well..hah! bt when i tried lookin for her she was nowhere to be gone..shucks

i realised i might have made the wrong choice of course combi but den i guess no matter wad everything's planned out for you..i'll jus work hard and play hard like there's no tomorrow..wahha! i'm falling easily and am suddenly aware that the ppl around me doing little things jus touch me completely..why de hell am i so vulnerable? bt it feels good anywae..to know that sumone out there cares for you though..even if the world is fallin apart..there's bound to be sumone piecing it up for you.

to yannie!!! no matter what happened no matter what decisions you made..you're stil de strongest and bravest girl i've ever seen..u might not be able to see me right infront of you cos i'm alwaes beside you waiting patiently to hold you or hiding in a corner smiling at you!! (tt sounds quite perverted) thankie for being there though i'm such a nuisance at times..bt i still did not regret having you as sumone i treasure! u never know how excited i am whenever u msg me..though i took ages to reply usually..hah!

2006-04-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

it's weird how days can sometimes be so gloomy...although i do like rainy days, it doesnt seem to perk me up today at all..mayb it's due to the mundane job i'm working at right now..i see sumone right infront of me being so obsessively bothered over an extra dead phone lamenting on the amount of stress-ness she is handling..facing her for 8.5 hrs jus doesnt make my day at all..

i see ppl ard me getting ill and for once i yearn to get ill..bt come to think of it who actually cares if i got sick or not..the sky wun drop and it'll still continue to rain..life stil goes on. but there's this part of me which wans to prove to myself tt i am now on my own two feet. no one will care a damn as to what happened to you..perhaps if i got sick, the person who realised it first might actually make me cry. cos now i am a pathetic soul who thinks that i'm alone.

ppl walk out of your life as fast as they walk in and it's only till they left den you realised that they actually left footprints in your memory. i've made great frens and on the other hand lost contact with many other close frens i would very much like to hang out with. bt with the current situation it's abit restricted i guess..

a sense of jealousy overcomes me as i watch her dipping into the pool of happiness..i was once like her..laughing away and smiling away jus staring into space..i tried to overlook it..to laugh and ignore it bt it's hard to even try that..emptiness filled me again but i'm glad i found comfort in my idiot entertainer..i shall concentrate on the good stuff around me rather then the opposite..mayb that'll make me feel better..hah!

2006-03-31T21:10:00.000-08:00

i've jus deleted the old blog.creating a new one..deleted the old me creating a new me..
bt sumhow or rather..i would really like to find de old me..the really old n happy me.